June 10, 2011

“Buking” (Was Found Out)


In our free speech today, we were asked to write one question on a piece of paper, and one-by-one, we pick one question for us to answer. I got the question:

The love of your life has been infected by a virus that causes a person to die and then turn them to a heartless, mindless, and soulless zombies who eat human beings. You have a .50 Dessert Eagle with 1 bullet. How would you use the gun and its 1 bullet? Why?

I don’t know what a .50 Dessert Eagle, so I asked about it from my classmates. I was advised it was a sort of pistol. Then I answered the question with the pronoun “him” (I was thinking of Oreo), the whole class was in uproar! I realized, they’re actually expecting the pronoun “her”. I smiled, corrected myself, and went on with my answer. Something like:

I would definitely shoot him, I mean, her, with the pistol. I don’t want her to see me die in the hands of those zombies.

I know, it wasn’t the smartest of answers, because it’s an impromptu speech and also, partly because of my initial “slip of the tongue” (using the pronoun “him”). I don’t want to explain myself to the class and tell them, “it’s actually correct since I’m gay and I’m really referring to my male lover Oreo”.

I tried my best to keep a low profile about my sexual preference. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy being gay but I don’t want to broadcast it at work (even though it’s a call center) since I hate being stereo-typed as another gay “parlorista”. They don’t seem to know that there are so many “variants” of gays, other than the “parlorista” type.

So I act as straight as possible when I’m at work. But if I was ask, if I’m gay, I give a straight “yes” answer. I don’t deny it. But I want people to ask it, straight to my face.

Also, I’m one of those gays who don’t have the fantasy to cross-dress or join a beauty contest. I don’t want to be a drag queen and I don’t want to be called “pretty”. I always wanted to be like gay-porn stars: straight on the outside, but definitely gay inside. Handsome gays. I enjoy being a “paminta” (literally, “pepper” but it’s similar to butch gays). Some call it discreet or closet-gay.

What I don’t understand from the “parlorista” type of gays, is their thinking that we’re hypocrite and doesn’t want to “come out of the closet”. But I am already out of the closet! It’s just not my cup-of-tea to be in a dress or to be a pa-girl.

I’m really laughing right now because of the slip of the tongue. “Nabuking tuloy ako” (I was found out to be gay). If ever one of my classmates would ask me later if I’m gay, I would definitely say “yes, and I’m happy about it”.

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